Aziz Mone’s Keynote at Better Living Through Coaching conference

“Welcome,
everyone, to today’s conference hosted by Better Living Through coaching. We’re
honored to have our distinguished speaker from  C        anada, Aziz Mone, life coach and advocate
for personal and relational growth.
Aziz will speak about the rising divorce
rates and shed light on the modern pressures that may be making marriage
harder to sustain
than ever before.
This isn’t just a social issue; it’s one that affects mental
well-being, families, and communities globally. Let’s welcome Aziz Mone.”

Aziz Mone’s Keynote:

“Welcome, everyone! I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to all 74 participants joining
us from eight different countries
for this online
conference. Your presence
today reflects our collective commitment to understanding the challenges we face in relationships, especially regarding the rising divorce rates in 2024. Together, we will explore
the complexities of marriage and seek insights
that can help us build stronger connections. Thank you for being here, and let’s dive into our discussion!”

1.  The Troubling Statistics of Modern Marriage: “As we gather
here today, let’s
first consider the numbers. Divorce
rates in many parts of the world,
especially the West, now exceed 50%. This figure represents not only relationships ending but the shattering of dreams, families,
and often, mental
health. But why are so many marriages unable to survive
today’s world?”

2.  Marriage as a ‘Humble’ Institution: “Marriage, as it was initially
conceived, was a simple institution—a way to bring people together
primarily for raising
children and providing social stability. This humble role has been stretched and molded over centuries to fit an evolving world,
and it’s now expected to provide everything from romantic fulfillment to social status,
financial stability, and personal identity.”

3.  The Problem of Over-Expectation: “Imagine marriage
as a bridge. When you build a bridge, it’s designed to bear a certain weight.
Now, imagine piling more weight onto this bridge—romance, companionship, financial security, constant support, and spiritual growth.
Eventually, the bridge begins to buckle under
pressure, as marriage wasn’t meant to bear the weight of so many demands.
Today, love, particularly romantic love, is one of the heaviest
demands we place on marriage, and when romance
wanes or changes,
many feel the entire foundation is at risk.”

4.  A Historical Perspective: “Historically, marriage didn’t
have these expectations attached to it. In fact,
love as a foundation for marriage is a relatively recent addition. Centuries ago, people married
for family alliances, economic stability, and social obligation. Romantic love was, at most, a desirable addition, not a fundamental reason for marriage.”

5.  The Comparison to Work: “Let’s take a detour here and think about work. Originally, a job existed
to provide a way to earn a livelihood. Today,
however, we want more. We expect fulfillment, identity, meaning, and
excitement from work. But the truth is, most jobs were not designed to meet these needs. Similarly, by expecting
marriage to satisfy every emotional and social need, we set ourselves up for
disappointment. Fulfillment might
come from friends, hobbies, or passions—but pinning all these needs onto one
person in a marriage can become overwhelming.”

6.  The Isolation of the Nuclear
Family: “Another aspect to consider
is the isolation of the nuclear family,
which has replaced
the extended family
structures of past generations. When a couple in an extended family
faced challenges, they had the support of others to lean on. Nowadays, couples
often only have each other. This isolation
puts immense pressure
on partners to be everything for each other—companions, confidants, therapists, and supporters—which isn’t always realistic.”

7.  Vonnegut’s Insight on ‘Not Enough People’: “One
of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, spoke about how most couples
struggle because ‘you are
not enough people’ for each other. This points to a profound truth: we cannot
expect a single person to fulfill every role in our lives. Historically, people had entire
communities to fulfill these roles, but in our modern world, we often place all
of these expectations on our spouse, leading
to feelings of discontent and inadequacy.”

8.  Marriage, Religion, and Social Control: “Another crucial point is marriage’s relationship with religion
and social stability. While many today see marriage as a religious institution,
historically, it wasn’t always that way. For example, marriage didn’t become a
sacrament of the Catholic Church until the 16th century. Marriage
became important to religious and social institutions because it provided
a structured environment for raising children
and maintaining social
order.”

9.  Addressing the Chimera
of Modern Marriage:
“Today’s marriage combines
elements of romance,
friendship, partnership, and spirituality into what I call a ‘chimera’—a combination of many ideals
that are nearly
impossible to fulfill
simultaneously. In our modern age, marriage is often unrecognizable from the institution it was
centuries ago. Perhaps what we need is a ‘re-simplification’—a return to core
principles of partnership, shared
responsibility, and raising
children if that is a couple’s goal.”

10.  Moving Forward with Open-Mindedness and Pragmatism:
“What’s next? We need to redefine marriage in a way that is sustainable
for our times. Perhaps
marriage could benefit
from a more open-minded, flexible
approach, allowing people
to choose the aspects that matter most to them while understanding that no single
relationship can fulfill every need. If we can shift our expectations and see
marriage as one part of a fulfilled life rather than the entirety
of it, we may reduce
the pressure that leads to so many divorces.”

Q&A Session: 

Host: “Thank you, Aziz, for such a thought-provoking perspective. Let’s open the floor to questions. For everyone joining
us from around
the world, please feel free to share your thoughts
or questions in the chat.

Q: “Aziz, do you think love should
play a role in marriage
at all?”

Aziz: “Love absolutely has a place in marriage, but we need to understand it’s just one part of a larger
commitment. A foundation of respect, shared
values, and partnership can support love, but relying
on love alone can be risky, as feelings naturally
ebb and flow.”

Q: “How do we balance
modern independence with partnership in marriage?”

Aziz:
“Great question. A strong marriage doesn’t mean giving up independence;
it’s about supporting each other while allowing room for individual growth. When both partners
see each other as allies
rather than constant
sources of validation, the relationship is often stronger.” Q: “Do you think marriage
will still be relevant in 50 years?”

Aziz: “Marriage will likely continue
to exist but in evolving
forms. As society
changes, so too will relationships, and marriage will likely adapt to fit the values
and realities of future generations.”